How terrible is life controlled by parents?

time:2022-10-02 05:37:25 source:chloeaktas.com author:Rich young woman
How terrible is life controlled by parents?

01. Key words in the letter from readers: Hello, my parents asked to break up. In fact, I have been following Kai Zi for many years. Since I was sick six years ago, I have lived alone in the ward. My body couldn't move, and I was young at that time. I had a relationship and just broke up. At that time, I felt that I was the most pitiful person in the world. Why should I experience such despair. I listen to your radio with headphones every day, and you really gave me a hand. After I was discharged from the hospital, I also recuperated at home for a year. At that time, my temper was very violent, and I didn’t know what was wrong. Feeling unable to suppress that kind of temper, I would lose my temper at my mother at every turn, and then cry secretly in my room at night. This kind of life is estimated to have lasted for more than half a year. Later, I decided to change and go to the gym. Gradually, my mental state became better, and I was able to control my emotions. I stopped being emotional, and everything gradually improved. But recently it makes me feel like this state is back to that year. Three years ago, I talked to a girl five years older than me. I also knew that my family would not agree. The two are still in different places, thousands of kilometers apart. There are too many things in it that I can't talk about one by one. You say. But just late last year we got engaged because my dad was in a hurry. It was less than a week after I brought it home. My dad saw that I was 28, and others were over 30. I couldn't afford it. My friends around me were all holding grandchildren. I was too impatient to get engaged. As a result, another thing happened to the engagement. She couldn't get pregnant naturally, she could only have a test tube, which actually hit me a lot. When I was with her for three years, I felt that the things I had to endure should not be what I should endure. I felt very uncomfortable. She felt that it was nothing, and she kept urging me to call me a test tube and marry me. But just now is the time when my career has just picked up, and there is no one around to do business, so I need to do it myself, which is very hard and tiring. My family was also persuading me to break up. In fact, my family did not agree with us to be together, so I felt that I was destined to die, that I would not be able to find a woman, and that no one would take a fancy to me. I think I still have low self-esteem in my heart. Even if I try to be more confident on the surface, she thinks that I live with me, not my parents. But my mother couldn't sleep every day because of this, and her health was not very good. In fact, I felt that I didn't say I didn't love her, I didn't love her as deeply. I can't give up everything for her, I'm very realistic, but I'm very uncomfortable after breaking up, it's like suffocating every night, but what to do, I can't take care of everyone, even if I'm a person who doesn't take responsibility in her eyes. I really can't do this well. I care too much about my parents' feelings, and I care about my image in her eyes, and I feel very aggrieved, and I have to fight for my career. I can only bear the pain in my heart. A few days ago, she blocked me again and said a lot, thinking that I only listened to my family and didn't take responsibility. Hey, in fact, I can also be aware of my own problems positively, but if I can do it well, I won't be so sad. 02. Kai Zi replied hello, I am very happy that my radio can heal you and make you feel better. I don't know what's wrong with you, but from your description, it seems that you are mentally hit because of emotional failure. You said that you can't suppress that kind of temper, and you get angry with your mother at every turn. Let's first take a look at why the temper is hot and what causes it. Generally speaking, there are mainly two kinds of non-pathological factors and pathological factors. Non-pathological, mainly due to the influence of the growing environment, the way of education, other people and society, and the mental pressure caused by emotions and work. The pathological majority may be caused by anxiety and mania. So I guess that you are referring to poor mental state and inability to control emotions. It seems that it is more likely to be caused by anxiety. It seems that you are still anxious, so let's see why you are anxious. You got engaged to this girl in a hurry and it seems like you didn't think it through, but there seems to be a bigger reason behind that. You mentioned in your letter that you were married less than a week after you brought her home. The reason is that your dad sees that all the friends around him are holding grandchildren, and they also want an extra child in the family. It can be seen here that you are not married because you want to get married, but because your parents want to have grandchildren. Why don't you want to be with girls now, again, because of your parents. On the surface, it was because she couldn't have children and could only test tubes. But in reality it means she can't fulfill your parents' request, so it's not the point of her to marry you. I don't know if you found out, you said that you didn't love her, but that you didn't love her so deeply. But in fact, you may not have no love, but you have no freedom. If there is really no love, they will not be together for three years, nor will they agree to get engaged. You are not afraid to disobey your parents' demands. You acquiesced to your parents' point of view, and you asked to believe what your parents said: "You are this life, you can't find a woman, and no one will look at you." But if you really believe it, why is it so painful? This shows that you also have doubts, but you dare not face up to your doubts. In your relationship with your parents, have you found that they don't think about how you feel, they care more about themselves? They want a grandson or granddaughter, and they want you to get engaged right away. They found that the prospective daughter-in-law could not give it to their grandson or granddaughter immediately, and they had to spend money to test it. They did not hesitate to belittle you and hope that you would break up. As an adult, you make it your mission to live for your parents. I'm even thinking, why did you get sick six years ago, is it also because of the interference and influence of your parents on you. They constantly control you and want you to be obedient. In their eyes, you are not an independent life, but must belong to them. I don't know if you have received respect from your parents in the process of growing up, maybe not, that's why you have low self-esteem. And with this girl, you will work hard to show confidence, which shows that this girl has brought you a new life, and when you are with her, at least you can be confident. Instead of being with your parents, you just feel inferior. You are with her enough to prove that you can find a woman, and someone will fall in love with you. Isn't this girl's firm determination to be with you more enough to show that what your parents said was demeaning and blowing? The self-confidence you have finally built up, your parents don’t pay attention to it at all, and they don’t take it seriously. Your mother can't sleep well every day because of this. The implication is: You haven't broken up with this girl, I'm like this, if you don't break up with her, I can't hold it anymore. This is how your parents treat you. Obviously it is a problem that can be solved by test tube, but they would rather make you miserable, make you tangled, make you feel aggrieved, and also force you to break up with this girl. Brother, I suggest that you might as well think about it. If you do everything according to your parents' wishes, what will you get in the end? Think about it, what kind of future do you want? You are already 28 and you are an adult. Are you in charge of your affairs, or do you have to wait for your parents to decide? I don't know what everyone thinks, can you accept that a 28-year-old man has to obey his parents in everything? If you also meet a man who has to listen to your parents in everything, please send me a private message, and I will help you analyze the problem and help you determine whether the relationship can continue.

(Responsible editor:Girl)

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