Advice to all unmarried girls: Marrying a man, character is the most important thing

time:2023-01-30 04:29:33 source:chloeaktas.com author:Single woman
Advice to all unmarried girls: Marrying a man, character is the most important thing

Keywords: love me, how to choose my love? 01. Hello from readers, Kai brother, I have been divorced twice, I am 35 years old this year, I have a child in my second marriage, and my father took it away after the breakup. Now I have two boyfriends, one loves me and the other I love, I'm very confused and don't know how to choose. Of these two boyfriends, one is my love. He is 3 years younger than me and has never been married. I love him very much, but I feel that he does not cherish me or love me. After being with him, I worked very hard to change, I paid a lot for him, changed a lot, but he didn't care at all. I feel like I have nothing to do with him, he just doesn't care about me. All my friends and family around me said he was not worth my effort and let me leave him, but I was reluctant. The day I broke up, I cried a lot, but after the breakup I regretted it again and went back to find him. There is another one who loves me, is a few years older than me, is also divorced and has a child. He was really nice to me, he was meticulous, and he was better than the boy in front of him in every aspect. To be honest, I can't bear to hurt him either, I'm very entangled now, if I have to choose the one I love, he has nothing, and I have to start from scratch with him. Brother Kai, can you help me, I am really in so much pain, I am waiting for your reply, thank you very much. 02. Kai Zi replied to the girl hello, I have encountered your situation more than once in my consultation, and many girls have asked this question, how should I choose the one who loves me and the one I love. The root of this problem is not actually how to choose, but that you are not sure what you want at all. Think about it, why are there two different people around you? It looks like you love the guy younger than you, give him a lot and change a lot. But if you really love him so much, why would you accept the pursuit of another man? When a person will accept the pursuit of others, there is only one reason that she is riding a donkey in search of a horse. That is to say, your so-called love still cannot escape the pros and cons in the end. Let's talk about it again, why some girls put good conditions on them and choose a man who is not good for them and not good for them? There are two reasons for this: First, she subconsciously does not dare to accept a better one, she is not confident in herself, and is worried that a better future will despise herself. For her, choosing someone less qualified than her own meant a safer and longer-lasting relationship. This is what we often call a sense of deservingness, you don't feel deserving. 2. She is not used to flat and stable feelings. Some girls have lived in a turbulent family environment since childhood. She needs to do a lot to feel the attention and love of her parents. This will lead her to understand love in the same way as an adult. In other words, the fear and anxiety in her heart caused by unease, entanglement, and quarrel made her feel very familiar. This familiarity evoked the memory of love in the past. She would think that this feeling is love. I have to say that it is difficult for a person to get a good relationship without knowing what he wants and the understanding of love is also biased. Because no matter who you meet, you will make the same choice from beginning to end. You don't choose the best person, you only choose the person who feels right. I have to say, this is why you have been divorced twice and are still suffering emotionally. Come to think of it, is this the case with your previous two husbands? Your first two marriages are also not about the man's character, conditions and attitude towards you, but whether they can give you a heart-wrenching feeling. You may also be moved by the greatness of your sacrifices, the sublime sacrifices for love. You will feel that these men have failed you, that they do not know how to love you. But we must accept the fact that a person who can't even love himself is really impossible to get love. Therefore, I can't help you make a choice, because no matter who you choose in your current situation, I am afraid it will not be a good life. Maybe everyone will think that my words are sharp and cruel, but I hope everyone can see the reality clearly. If we can't break through the inherent thinking mode and make ourselves fundamental changes, then your life and your marriage are actually doomed from the beginning. I don't know how you would advise this girl, what do you think she should do? If you are like her, you have failed repeatedly in your relationship, and every time you have no good results, quickly private message me, and I will help you analyze the problem and teach you how to do it. 03. Key words for the reader's letter: I regret my second marriage, Brother Kai, I am very confused, I really don't know what to do now, please help me. I am 24 years old and divorced and have a child with my ex-husband. My current husband is a 39-year-old, divorced, 12-year-old daughter. A few months after we met, he proposed to get married, but I agreed without telling my parents, and secretly got a license with him. But last month, I had no intention of seeing him on his WeChat saying that he was going to open a room with someone else. I was like a thunderbolt. I found out that he had this kind of thing before, but I forgave him. I thought he would restrain himself after marriage, but I didn't expect it to be the same. Before marriage, he talked sweetly and hype, and gave me all kinds of promises and guarantees. Now I have only been married to him for less than 2 months, and I have seen his true colors. He also threatened me not to fight him, saying that I was tender, and I also knew that I was not his opponent. In the past few days, I finally got up the courage to tell my parents about my current situation. My parents were very disappointed in me. Brother Kai, I don't know what to do, I have nowhere to go. 04. Kai Zi replied to the girl, you are divorced at the age of 24 and already have a child. I think your first marriage should be very early. The first time I entered the marriage hastily, the second time I entered the marriage hastily. And this time you don't dare to tell your parents about this marriage. I think the reason why you don't dare to tell your parents is probably because you know very well that your parents won't agree. But why would he marry this man when he knew his parents would not agree? I think you should be a girl with a deep desire for love. The eagerness to get rid of your parents' control over you and the eagerness to get love will lead you to enter marriage easily because of this man's lavish sweet words, his promises and guarantees. I specially put you and the above case together. Did you find that the two of you have very similar problems. You don't want a man with a good character, you all choose someone who makes you feel good. And the feeling may be just an illusion, or the feeling is actually very unreliable. A handsome man and a sweet mouth can make a woman feel. But feelings are not feelings, nor are they enough to replace feelings. Back to your question, you don't know what to do now, there really is no good choice. Either end the marriage or turn a blind eye. After all, the path you choose, you have to go down with tears. I hope every girl can understand that if you want to have a good marriage and a good relationship, you should not ask what to do after you fail, but ask what to do before you make a choice. Don't wait until you have no choice to find the answer, where is the answer? If you are also facing a choice and don’t know what to do, please send a private message to me, and I will help you analyze it, so as to avoid you making the wrong choice and regretting it for the rest of your life.

(Responsible editor:Divorced women)

Related content