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The helplessness of a 40-year-old woman: Does divorce and a son deserve to be at the bottom of the blind date market?

time：2023-03-26 12:50:58 source：chloeaktas.com author：Single woman

The helplessness of a 40-year-old woman: Does divorce and a son deserve to be at the bottom of the blind date market?

01

The divorce rate in our country has been on the rise in recent years. Many women are unwilling to endure the suffocating marriage life. They yearn for liberation, so they all scrambled to get divorced. Although the social atmosphere is much more open now, divorce is not a glorious thing. People are always full of prejudice and compassion for divorced women. As a result, the surrounding relatives and friends persuaded her to find another one quickly. After hearing such words a lot, she had this idea herself. So, all kinds of blind dates began. However, blind date to put it bluntly depends on the conditions. Most of our ordinary relationships are about love over time, or love at first sight, but blind date is not, blind date is not about feelings, but conditions. What are the conditions? This is also for men and women. Men want to be young and beautiful, women want to find someone with a good family background and a down-to-earth person. No matter what your conditions are, everyone has the same requirements for a blind date. As a result, a woman is under the pressure of the people around her and the pressure placed on her by the society, and her requirements for the other half will become lower and lower. She never thought about not getting married. In this way, a person who could have been wanton all his life has turned himself into a person who is unbearable and inferior, and his life is a mess. This kind of person is really sad.

02

Wang Yanyan (pseudonym) is a middle-aged divorced woman. When she divorced, she also brought a son. After her divorce, she almost became that kind of sad woman. Fortunately, I woke up in time, which allowed my life to return to the normal track and let myself live out myself. Wang Yanyan is a traditional woman, so when she was old, she got married and worked hard to manage her marriage after marriage. But in this marriage, she slowly lost herself and became more and more irritable. Her husband's inaction and her mother-in-law's behavior made her want to divorce countless times, but because she was afraid of being out of the familiar environment, afraid of being talked about, and afraid of being talked about, she had been enduring this kind of marriage and lived in grief every day. . She has been like this for more than ten years. Over the past ten years, she has been suffering day by day. Because of her husband's cold words, because of her husband's inaction, she and her husband have long lost their relationship, and even went to sleep in separate rooms early. The two said they were husband and wife, but they were actually strangers living under the same roof. Over the years, she has changed from a green girl to a middle-aged woman with a sallow face. For more than ten years, she has never lived a day for herself. In the beginning, I lived for my husband and children, and I broke my heart every day for them, and I didn't have time to live the life I wanted. She forgot what she liked. Later, she was disappointed with her husband, and then despaired, and slowly she lost her heart and spent all her energy on her son. She thought that she would live like this for the rest of her life. But at the age of 40, she learned that her husband had another woman outside. She can accept her husband's indifference, and she can accept the relationship between two people as strangers, but she can't accept betrayal. So, she decided to get a divorce. After the divorce, she did not feel relaxed, and the evaluations and comments of people around her made her extra sensitive. She was walking on the road, and when she saw a stranger looking at her one more time, she felt that the other party was laughing at her and pitied her. She herself began to feel that she was a loser, she still hadn't found her own way of life, and there was still only one son in her world. During this period, relatives and friends around her began to persuade her to find another man to marry, saying that she was 40 now, not too old, and she could find a man in fifty or sixty to marry. After a few years, I can only find a man in his seventies and eighties. She also thought about not marrying, but everyone said that an old woman who does not marry is too pitiful. If she does not marry, there will be no one around who knows how to be hot and cold. What will you do in the future? Such remarks affected her. She also began to feel that it was time to find a man to marry, maybe she could find a good man. She was probably really used to revolving around men and sons. After finally getting out of that environment, I actually wanted to take the initiative to get in again. To this end, she obeyed the arrangement of her family and started a blind date. At first, it was through the introduction of relatives and friends, and later I found the matchmaker company directly and paid for the registration. After she started dating, she learned that a divorced woman like her who is over 40 years old and has a son is not popular in the blind date market and is at the bottom. Therefore, from the very beginning, the conditions that were introduced to her were very poor. Such a person even despised her. She felt an unprecedented sense of frustration. She was also a delicate flower when she was young, and there were many people chasing her. At first, she really picked her ex-husband after picking and picking, but now, just because she gave birth to a son, just because she was old, Become an existence that is despised by everyone. She felt hopeless. But the more so, the more she wants to marry herself out sooner. As a result, her requirements for the other half also dropped and dropped. She even nearly picked one of them, a 60-year-old man with two grown sons. But at this time, she met a woman. That woman was also divorced and brought her son, but she lived a particularly unrestrained life. Wang Yanyan asked her why she didn't want to find another one. She said, to find another one, that is to find trouble for herself. She lives by herself. Every day in addition to work, she can do what she wants to do, and she can also cultivate her own hobbies. She lives more comfortably and freely than young people. She couldn't think of it, that at this age she found another one to drag her down. Later, the two became friends. Since then, Wang Yanyan has learned to ignore the eyes of others, stick to her own ideas, and learn to live for herself. After that, she gave up on blind dates and remarriage. She thought that if she had a fate and really met someone she loved, she would not resist remarriage, but she didn't want to seek it out. She found that after she thought about it herself, her world became a lot brighter. She picked up her childhood dream and learned to paint from scratch. On the day off, she will go to collect wind with her friends, and live a very fulfilling life every day. The son also said that he prefers such a mother. She thought, she found the true meaning of life, marriage is not the end, dreams and life are. From this story, we can understand two truths.

03

I. Women must learn to live for themselves. There is no need to measure themselves by others' standards, nor to live in the evaluation of others. Age and divorce will not affect a woman's own value. Learn to live and appreciate yourself. , this is what a woman should be like. Many women, when they are older, lose confidence in life and even in themselves after going through some things. Many times, other people's evaluation of herself will even affect her own evaluation of herself, and she will live more humble and selfless. This is not right. Everyone, at every stage, no matter what she has experienced, she has her own value of existence. We must learn to recognize this value and keep ourselves alive. Women must learn to live for themselves. There is no need to measure themselves by others' standards, nor to live in the evaluation of others. Age and divorce will not affect a woman's own value. Learn to live and appreciate yourself. , this is what a woman should be like.

04

II. Older women who are divorced and have children often rush to marry themselves. This is actually very sad. Marriage cannot be settled, nor can it be hastily decided. There is no need for a woman to choose such a life because of the persuasion of her family and people around her. It is possible to live more selfishly, be more wanton, and enjoy loneliness, is it not a kind of happiness. Many women, influenced by the people around them, always feel that a woman who is not married is pathetic, and a divorced woman, especially an older divorced woman with a son, is even more pathetic. Therefore, once she becomes such a woman, she always wants to get rid of this situation and quickly find another man to marry. But a lot of times, it's really hard to find the right one. But as soon as the people around her persuaded her, she immediately strengthened her determination to marry, and married herself in such a confused way. After getting married, women enter an endless cycle again, living without any self at all. We all know that older women who are divorced and have children are often eager to marry themselves. This is actually very sad. Marriage can't be settled, and it can't be decided hastily. There is no need for a woman to choose such a life because of the persuasion of her family and people around her. Women can live more self-consciously, more wanton, and enjoying loneliness is not a kind of happiness. Text/Fenghua

(Responsible editor：Working women)

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