Eight mistakes in our mate selection (you pay more attention to Ta's "feel of calling" than personality)

time:2022-12-03 00:18:43 source:chloeaktas.com author:Single woman
Eight mistakes in our mate selection (you pay more attention to Ta's "feel of calling" than personality)

Hefei Love Couple Marriage Lesson - Eight mistakes in our mate selection (you pay more attention to Ta's "feeling of a call" than personality)... Please put me on your heart like a mark and take it on your arm As stamped above. Love, many waters can't be quenched, and big waters can't be submerged... "Song of Songs" According to a number of statistical information: Now the divorce rate in society has approached or exceeded 50%. Although for a variety of reasons, it has to be said that many people have made serious mistakes in how to choose the other half when they started to choose a mate. If you don’t want to take up one point in the divorce rate in the future, and want to avoid that emotional trauma and frustration, it is very helpful to think about the mistakes and lessons of past people. One, compared with people If you are a good character, you pay more attention to the "feeling of a call": The "feeling of a call" in both genders will stimulate enthusiasm, and a good character can maintain enthusiasm. Be careful with the "I'm in love" situation, because it actually means "I'm in lust." It's good that you are attracted to each other, but have you paid careful attention to Ta's character? Have you examined the following qualities of Ta—— 1. Modesty: Does Ta believe that he should pay more attention to his feelings than his own income and enjoyment? 2. Kindness: Is Ta willing to help Ta people selflessly? 3. Sense of responsibility: If he has said what he is going to do, can you be sure and see his fulfillment? 4. Happiness: Is his mood stable? Can it give you a sense of security? Does Ta really love you and tolerate you for a long time? Are you eager to have children with Ta? If you have a child, do you want the child to grow up to be like Ta? 2. You are confident that your current Ta will change better after marriage: This is the most classic misunderstanding. Never marry for "possibility". The rule is: if you are not happy enough with the current Ta, but expect or think that you will be happier in the future, then in this case, don't get married. Some investigations show that: Ta will change after marriage, but the change of Ta in the bad direction will be much higher than the change in the good direction. Therefore, with regard to Ta's beliefs, character, cleanliness, communication methods and skills, personal habits, etc., you should consider thoroughly whether you can accept and tolerate his current situation or even worse situations in the future (because when you fall in love each other to some extent), and can coexist peacefully with them. 3. You and Ta have no common life goals and plans: Before getting married, you should have a deep understanding of Ta's life goals, instead of indulging in the joy of how good Ta treats you all day long. After marriage, the two of you should be one, instead of disliking each other and having your own opinions. In order to avoid different opinions, you need to think more about your "why you live" and "what kind of life do you want" when you are still single, and then look for the Ta who has the same conclusion as you. This is the The true meaning of soulmate. A soulmate is actually a target mate, two people who have similar views on the purpose and meaning of life, and have basically the same values, plans, and eager visions. (The picture and text are edited according to the network. Please correct me if there is anything wrong.) Fourth, you and Ta lack deep respect: The standard for measuring this is: "Do I respect and admire Ta?" The question is not equivalent to "do I think he's great". A luxury car may impress you, but you will not unconditionally respect him just because he drives a luxury car. The qualities that a person can make Ta people respect are: creativity, loyalty, perseverance, kindness and so on. If Ta does not make you feel respect and admiration from your heart, but just hearsay and seems to be excellent, it only means that you do not have a deep understanding of Ta's personality and essence, but are only confused by appearances. 5. Ta cannot bring you a sense of security in your heart: Ask the following questions: Do you feel calm and comfortable with Ta’s side? Can you completely relax yourself and be yourself in front of him? Does Ta always make you feel good? If you have a close friend who makes you feel this way, be sure to find a partner who can make you feel the same way! But if you care about what you say around him, you have to beware of him having unpleasant views on you, and you are afraid to express your opinions or suggestions openly and honestly to him, then this is not an embarrassment when you are in love, Rather, there is a problem in your relationship with Ta. Another element of security is that you are unknowingly controlled by your Ta, and you have to be careful trying to change your Ta. There is a big difference between "control" and "recommendation". Advice is for your own good, and control is for your own good. 6. There is no frank treatment between you and Ta: In the relationship between the two, any existing problems should be discussed. While some topics are unpleasant, they are the only measure of how well you and your partner can communicate, back down, compromise, and work together to improve the relationship. In life, there will always be difficult times and problems big and small that are unavoidable. So before you and Ta make a marriage commitment, you need to know whether the two of you can seek common ground despite small differences and work together to solve difficulties. Don't be afraid to let him know what makes you unhappy. This also shows that you are independent and reasonable in front of him. If you are weak and timid to face even this point, then you and Ta will not be able to get close. 7. Ta is in a "triangle relationship": A triangle relationship does not necessarily refer to a relationship of love or marriage. The third angle can be the emotional direction that Ta places too much on anyone or something. For example, Ta's inability to obtain spiritual independence from his parents is a good example. Ta may also be overly obsessed or pinned on work, girls, gambling, games, or money. You have to carefully examine the "triangle" between you and Ta. A Ta with a "third angle" is often not patient, caring and responsible enough to meet your emotional needs. You will not be the person he values ​​the most, his heart is wandering outside of you, and this situation is by no means the basis of marriage. 8. You are using the marriage relationship to escape the unhappiness of personal work and life: If you are single and unhappy now, then you are likely to be unhappy when married. Marriage cannot solve personal psychological, emotional, work and life problems. If anything, marriage can only magnify existing problems. If you're unhappy with yourself and your current work life, address those issues while you're single. You'll feel better about entering marriage without burden in the future, and your future Ta will thank you.

(Responsible editor:Divorced women)

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