The philosophy of getting along with men: it is not stupid to pay, but to learn to talk about "routines"

time:2022-12-02 23:57:47 author:Working women
The philosophy of getting along with men: it is not stupid to pay, but to learn to talk about "routines"

When you get along with men, do you still feel that you must be rewarded for your efforts? If you think so, then you will have a high probability of being attacked by the setbacks of love in love. First of all, we cannot be sure that what we give is what the other person needs. For example, what the other party wants to eat is apples, but we insist on giving them pears. We also think that pears are nutritious and good for the body, but the other party doesn’t like eating pears at all. In this way, our contribution will not only make the other person feel the warmth of being cared for, but also make the other person feel depressed. Secondly, being nice to a person for a long time will easily make the other person form a habit, and in love, the habit is very scary, it will make a person feel that others are kind to him for granted. In addition, if you stay in the atmosphere of being loved for a long time, you will feel that others are good to you as a pattern in love, and it doesn't matter whether you need to pay or not. Therefore, in the relationship between the sexes, the philosophy of getting along with men is never to be silly, but to learn to talk about "routines".

、Skinner's pigeon experiment: Uncertain dedication is the most "unstoppable"

Psychologist Skinner once Did an experiment - he fed a pigeon in three cages, Skinner did not feed the pigeons before the test, leaving them in a state of starvation. At the start of the experiment, Skinner installed a food dispenser in the cage. As long as the first pigeon touches the machine, food will fall; the second pigeon touches the machine, but no food falls; the third pigeon touches the machine, and the food is Dropped in random ways. After a while, the first pigeon only approached the machine when it was hungry, the second pigeon gave up on itself, and only the third pigeon stayed by the machine. Because the probability of the third pigeon getting food is uncertain, only uncertain, so it will spend their energy to keep paying attention. Skinner's pigeon experiment taught us that uncertainty tends to draw people's attention and make people willing to spend time waiting. The same is true of love. The uncertainty of paying will make a man unable to stop and never forget it.

The key to dealing with feelings is to learn to love yourself first, and then learn to love others

In the movie "The Life of the Disgusted Matsuko" Matsuko has not been valued by her family since she was a child, and her parents put more love on her frail and sick sister, and have no time to take care of Matsuko. Therefore, Matsuko is extremely lacking in love after adulthood. In the relationship between the sexes, even if others have not shown their sincerity, Matsuko will trust her heart and spare no effort to give. However, in the eyes of those people, the pine nuts that they have to pay even if they are wronged are just a very cheap existence. They have never loved pine nuts, and they will choose to abandon them after using her. Therefore, in every relationship, Matsuko can't understand what it means to be loved and what it means to be cared about. Matsuko's tragedy is not without the irresponsibility of the opposite sex, but also her own inaction. She forgot that love is not just about loving others, but also about loving yourself. Psychologist Fromm wrote in "The Art of Love": "If I do love a person, then I will love other people, I will love the world, love life, and love myself". Love is a mirror, and the attitude it feeds back to us depends on our own attitude toward ourselves. If we love ourselves, others will love us too. If we ignore the importance of loving ourselves and only give blindly, then even if we give regardless of the cost, the other person will not care about us. Therefore, loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

The role of the charm of language in the relationship between the sexes should never be underestimated

It is undeniable that language plays a role in dealing with the sexes positive role in the relationship. The netizen's wife went home from get off work and watched TV on the sofa, while the netizen mopped the floor. This unfair treatment made netizens feel more angry the more they thought about it. Why, both of them go to work, and they are tired, but why do they work hard and let their wife enjoy the success. So he was indignant and accused his wife of being lazy, but the wife said, "Why? I have a responsible and loving husband, but you don't." One sentence made the netizens instantly turn off the flames, and then they were "enslaved" with great joy. . It can be seen that it is very important for a woman to be able to speak and to say nice things. Montaigne said in the book "Essays": "Language is only a tool through which our will and thoughts are communicated, and it is the interpreter of our soul." When we are good at praising men, then men Giving will also be willing and willing, because their contribution has been affirmed, and it also makes them feel that their contribution is echoed and worthwhile. In short, if things go on like this, men will take paying for us as a "reasonable thing".

(Responsible editor:Rich young woman)

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