Teach you how to communicate with high emotional intelligence

time:2022-12-02 06:13:07 source:chloeaktas.com author:Single woman
Teach you how to communicate with high emotional intelligence

Key words: Communication problem Retention after breaking up Q: Leng Da, hello, my boyfriend and I have big problems in communication, I am aware of these problems, but there is nothing I can do to change them. Sometimes when I face him, I am very Inferiority, there is a big gap in ability, money, and feelings. Male: Cantonese live in a big first-tier city, about 175cm tall, above average in weight, medium in appearance, with an annual salary of 300,000 yuan, there is a lot of room for improvement. He had been in a relationship for five years before, and the two sides had met their parents. He said that later, because of his girlfriend's various actions, he did not give him face outside, and he was responsible for all housework, and broke up for various reasons. Female: She lives in a small county town in Guangdong Province. She is 168 in height and has a good figure. She has a face value of about five points. She is currently unemployed at home. In preparing for the UGC exam, I wanted to improve myself. In terms of relationship, I was divorced. I also explained to him the reason for the divorce, the reason for the divorce, and the ex-husband’s family did not give me a betrothal gift or a wedding because I was out of wedlock. Aborted, divorced. Because of various mismatches, I was always afraid that he would leave me, and I was emotionally unstable. The last chat record was because he did not reply to my message for three hours at night. Later, he told me that he and his brother went to dinner, and went shopping after dinner, without checking the phone. After he got home, he sent me a video. When I was chatting with him, I was emotionally fluctuating, didn't want to talk, and kept crying. Later, I told him that I was unhappy because I didn't mind him not replying to my message. He just said, please don't push him too hard, give him more space. I hung up the video. No matter how much I cried, I didn’t coax or comfort me. I cried for a long time, and at four in the morning, I sent a message saying, let’s break up. , the next screenshot of the chat is, I figured it out during the day, and I think it was me who was wrong. I sent him a hold, but I haven't replied to me yet, and I don't know what he thought. I hope Lengda can give me advice and how to communicate and emotional instability, how to overcome, thank you. A: When I saw the above story, I sympathized with the heroine's experience in the previous marriage and understood the heroine's insecurity. In the chat records, I saw that the man clearly stated his feelings and needs. For example, on the feeling level, he said, "If you are pregnant, it's my business, not your business alone, so if you say you handle it yourself, it makes me very uncomfortable, and it will be very down." On the demand level, he The demand is that if the heroine is pregnant, they will deal with it together. From these words, the man is responsible. The man sent an invitation, and he was willing to face the matter of pregnancy with the heroine. I have responded to this story in terms of communication and emotion. 1. Communication The communication of the heroine in the chat screenshot is a typical negative communication. I combined the analysis of the female lead's communication to demonstrate high emotional intelligence communication. 1. Never hear or listen. In this communication, the heroine is immersed in her own world. She didn't listen to the man's words. When the man said, "You handle the affairs of two people alone, how do you make me feel passionate about you", behind the hope that the heroine can trust him and handle things together, and the heroine's reply is "I don't think I am passionate about you." Who are you passionate about?" The heroine seems to have blocked her ears, unable to listen to the man's words. She only looks for words that fit her own plot in the words of the man. The heroine's plot is "Will you not love me, you will leave me". She lives in her own plot and cannot feel the emotions and needs of the other party. If the heroine can listen, she can feel that the man has responsibility and hopes to face these things with her. At that time, the more appropriate reply of the heroine was: "I can feel your responsibility and your heartache for me. It's so good to have you. Because I have always been used to dealing with things alone, but I am also very lonely, Helpless. Dear, can you give me some time to adjust? Let me adjust from being alone to being with you." In communication, listening is very important. Only by listening openly, listening without presupposition, can you truly hear the other person’s true voice. People who are good at communicators are good listeners. 2. From labeling to tearing off labels. When the man said, "You didn't treat me as your boyfriend", the man's emotions were a little aggrieved and helpless, and behind it was the hope that the heroine could trust him more and be closer. And the heroine's reply was "that's just being cold to me", which is a random label, a "cold" label. Such negative labels will be like pots of cold water, eliminating the heat in the other party's heart. Girls with high emotional intelligence will empathize with each other's emotions when the man says "you don't think of me as your boyfriend": "Dear, is it something I did that made you feel a little wronged and not trustworthy enough? You? I've always been grateful to God for allowing us to meet and keep us together." 3. From expanding conflict to reducing conflict. After the label, the heroine said "I am not passionate about who I want to be passionate about", which is amplifying the conflict. The rhetorical question behind this sentence is: "Do you want to be passionate about other girls?" The more people there are, the bigger and more complicated the conflict will be. Even if this person is only a third party imaginary, it will make the conflict more complicated. So, don't magnify the conflict, and focus on the facts. Try not to mention third parties, and don't turn to old accounts. The heroine's non-listening, labeling, and amplifying the conflict is a typical trilogy of wrong chat. The fourth step is to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. In the last chat record, the heroine sent a small composition to the man asking for reconciliation. Then, in turn, how to do the right communication? The first step is to listen to the other person’s emotions and needs. When listening to each other's speech, ask yourself a few more questions: "What are his emotions in these words? What are his needs?" The second step is to communicate each other's emotions and needs after you understand them. When communicating, also ask yourself the following questions: "What are my emotions, what are my needs? How can I express my thoughts that can help the other person understand me better?" Discuss everyone's thoughts and needs on this matter. For differences, try to seek common ground while reserving differences. Unless the other party's needs and ideas have stepped on your bottom line, then breaking up is also a good strategy. But if it's something above the bottom line, don't magnify the differences, but magnify the commonalities. "The Analects" says that "a gentleman is harmonious but different", that is, even if two people have different ideas, they can live in harmony. When communicating, ask yourself the following questions: "He thinks differently from me, is he really hurting me on purpose? Is he really not loving me? Or does he have his own difficulties, or is it because of the two of us Do you have different experiences and positions?" Seeking common ground while reserving differences, and being harmonious without differences, can reduce a lot of conflicts. Above is the response to this story in the communication section. 2. Emotions are unstable to the emotions that the heroine asked in the questions. Indeed, in communication, emotions are very important. "There are thousands of roads, and emotions are the first." Adjust your emotions to communicate well. We also sympathize with what happened to the heroine in the previous marriage. This experience may make the heroine feel very hurt. The heroine's distrust of the current boyfriend is also very likely because the heroine is worried that the current boyfriend will treat her like her ex-husband, so she is very insecure. But the reality is that no man is obliged to heal the emotional wounds that the heroine suffered before. In fact, no one is obliged to heal the hurt that their lover has suffered before, whether the injury is from the original family, past relationships, or other. No one person can bear the fate of two people. In the part where the heroine feels hurt, it is recommended that the heroine receive professional psychological counseling to eliminate many negative emotions in her heart through counseling. If the economy does not allow it, then the method of emotional management and emotional recording we wrote before recommends that the heroine continue to practice. There is a sentence in the third message of the heroine, "I just hope that you can respond to all my emotions. If you reply a little slowly, I think you don't care about me." The female lead knows that no one has the obligation or the ability to respond to all your emotions. Even parents have a hard time responding to all their emotions. If you hold such expectations, you are bound to be disappointed. An important part of emotional management is managing your own expectations. In fact, who can respond to their emotions in a timely manner? is himself. Because you are the one who is completely with yourself 24 hours a day. Therefore, self-regulation ability is the most critical. The above is the response to the heroine from the two parts of communication and emotion. Bless the heroine ~ the creative team | Leng Ai Fang Shang Qian Qian Ke Hui The illustrations in this article, any website, newspaper, TV station, company, organization or individual, may not be used in part or in whole without authorization.

(Responsible editor:Divorced women)