This way of communication is used well, men can't bear to tell lies to you

time:2023-03-26 13:21:13 source:chloeaktas.com author:Graduate girl
This way of communication is used well, men can't bear to tell lies to you

Keywords: Boyfriend gives salary to ex-wife, quarrel and break up, ask: Teacher Leng Ai, hello! I am a divorced girl. I had a relationship at the end of last year, and the other party was also divorced. After getting to know each other, I liked and admired each other. The relationship was confirmed in about a month, and the relationship became better and better later. He was also generous to me in terms of money. He offered to meet my children and parents, and I agreed. We have been getting along well. However, he didn't take me to see his parents, which made me uncomfortable. At the end of March this year, we went out to work and travel together. Because the epidemic situation in other places could not come back, we had real time together every day, and there would be occasional noises. But there was a big fight in May, because he hid from me the money he gave his ex-wife, so I felt cheated and had a big fight with him. After he divorced, he always gave most of the money to his ex-wife according to the rules of marriage. After we were together, he promised to adjust and give child support according to the divorce agreement, but in fact he did not do this, and always gave all his salary to his ex-wife. , so I can't accept arguing with him. His attitude changed completely this time, and he was unwilling to communicate and face the matter, because he had been away for three months for work, and he had no attitude when he came back, so I proposed to break up. It turned out that he loved me very much, but I didn't expect it. Break up after a fight. I think there is something wrong with him giving his salary to his ex-wife, but he said that he felt he owed his children so he paid a little more. However, he didn't think about my part, whether he just liked me and didn't really love me. So, he didn't want to develop with me for a long time? Does he still love his ex-wife? A: In the above story, I understand the confusion of the heroine and her anger when she finds out that the man has backtracked. Our [Mission Psychology] has been teaching everyone "the way to take advantage of advantages". For this story, I will share it from two aspects: momentum and superiority. One, take advantage. Judging from the fact that the man spends money generously with the heroine and proposes to see the heroine's children and parents, the man wants to develop a long-term relationship with the heroine. But the heroine was too impatient. The heroine said, "After he divorced, he always gave most of the money to his ex-wife according to the rules of marriage. After we were together, he promised to adjust and pay maintenance according to the divorce agreement." The so-called promise, that is, the female protagonist made a request, and then the man agreed. When the heroine was only with him for two or three months, she made a request for the man to immediately change his investment in his ex-wife and children. You know, the flow of money represents the flow of relationships. The flow of money represents the flow of trust. His child is his own and his own, and the relationship between him and the heroine has not yet stabilized to the point of getting married, nor is it deep enough to trust, not to mention that the heroine herself has children. The hostess made this request about money so quickly, she was a little arrogant and too anxious. You know, you can't eat hot tofu in a hurry, and haste is not enough. Therefore, the woman should see the situation clearly: the man wants to develop a long-term relationship with her, but at this stage, his ex-wife and children are more important in his mind. Moreover, making money is not easy, everyone's money is not blown by the wind. Everyone wants to keep and spend the money they earn. Men certainly hope so too. But why did he give his ex-wife so much money? It is possible that he was pinched by his ex-wife. It is also possible that, as he said, he felt that he owed the children more, so he gave a little more. In fact, he also hoped that his ex-wife could take good care of the children. If the heroine really loves the man, she must also understand the guilt and helplessness of the man. If a woman wants to surpass the father-son relationship formed by the man and his children through blood, she must manage the relationship with the man more carefully and patiently, and build a sense of trust between the two. Only by recognizing this status quo can the female lead change this status quo. Recognizing the status quo is the first and crucial step in changing the status quo. Our 【Mission Psychology】has been advocating "the technique of taking advantage of the way". To recognize the status quo is to take advantage. In addition, in the quarrel that broke up at the end, the heroine did not take advantage. The original words of the hostess in the description of the question are: So I proposed to break up. I felt that he loved me very much, but I did not expect to break up after a quarrel. We can see that the heroine does not really want to break up, but wants to vent her emotions and make the man pay more attention to her by quarreling and breaking up. The heroine's proposal to break up is actually to be retained. The heroine did not take the two sides. On the one hand, she overestimated the man's feelings for her, and underestimated her needs for him. She originally thought that she could quarrel and break up relying on the man's feelings for her, but she did not expect to break up. After the breakup, I was very sad again. On the other hand, the timing of her quarrel was not right, and she was too impatient again. After the man came back from a business trip for three months for work, she quarreled and broke up with the man. We can imagine that when a person comes back from a business trip for three months, he is often very tired, and he really hopes to relax and adjust. The heroine is quarreling with the man at this time, and it is easy to hit the muzzle of the gun. It doesn't mean that everyone can't quarrel, but before quarreling, you must first take advantage of the situation: assess whether you have the capital to quarrel, whether it is appropriate to quarrel at this time, and how to quarrel to achieve your goals? Arguing is like putting dynamite. Dynamite is to blow up what you don't want, not what you want. Two, excellence. We see the progress of this relationship: the heroine and the man admire each other at first, and then the relationship gets better and better, and the man is very generous to the heroine. But later the heroine found out that the man was still paying most of his ex-wife's salary, and the two had a big fight. This quarrel between the two is a watershed in this relationship. The heroine hopes to fight for love and money, but the louder it gets, the more the man ignores it. This is a relationship that collapsed because of a fight. Quarrel makes the two sides not get closer, but farther and farther. But a person often does not give in because of quarrels, coercion, and pressure. Moreover, such concessions are not real concessions. In fact, the more capable and assertive a man is, the less he will give in. In a relationship, willingness is very important, to make a man willing to pay for this new relationship. In fact, behind the quarrel, is what I need. The heroine needs excellent skills and needs to adjust the communication mode in which she tries to solve problems by quarrelling. So, how to adjust it? For example, when the hostess finds out that the man has concealed his financial investment in his ex-wife and children, what should the hostess do? The heroine needs to adjust her emotions first, and then use the method of "non-violent communication" more. There are four elements of nonviolent communication: observation, feeling, need, and request. The heroine can say: "When I found out that you hid the money from your ex-wife from me, (observation) I was shocked, disappointed, and sad. (feeling) In fact, what made me sad was not that you gave money to your ex-wife, she You should give her money to take care of the child, but you didn't give me alimony according to the divorce agreement as you promised me before. (feeling) I hope you can be frank with me and do what you say. If you can't do it, you have You can tell me any difficulties and concerns. (Demand) Can you talk to me? (Request)" Communication is the bridge connecting each other's hearts. In the right situation, even if the two sides have different ideas, good communication skills can enhance each other's feelings. The above is my response to this story from the two levels of taking advantage and superiority. Because the Dao part is relatively advanced, today's question and answer will not be expanded for the time being. Art is the use of potential, and potential is the manifestation of Tao. Only after taking advantage of the situation and then optimizing the technique can it play the role of the technique just right. Blindly using the technique without taking advantage of the situation may be as fierce as a tiger in one operation, and the result is like a two hundred and five. Therefore, I also encourage everyone to study the clear way and take the situation more attentively while learning various arts. You are also welcome to connect with us. The main creative team | Leng Ai Fang Shang Qian Qian's illustrations in this article, any website, newspaper, TV station, company, organization or individual, may not be used in part or in whole without authorization.

(Responsible editor:Divorced women)

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