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The distress of a divorced woman: Can a man who is in debt marry?
time：2023-03-26 14:47:55 source：chloeaktas.com author：Girl
The distress of a divorced woman: Can a man who is in debt marry?
Key words: Second marriage, the man owes debts 01. Reader letter to brother Kai, hello! I am 35 years old, I live in a small city and have a regular job. Divorce was because I had difficulty conceiving and had no children, so I left the year before last! After the divorce, I became very low self-esteem. I felt that no man could accept a woman who was divorced and infertile like me, and was single all the time. Since last year, my family members have advised me to find someone to live with, to have a home, and to rely on in the future. Just then, a friend explained to me a divorced man with a ten-year-old son. He is 8 years older than me, has a stable job in the institution, treats me well, and has a good character, but his economic conditions are not good. There was a change in his family a few years ago, and he owed hundreds of thousands of dollars outside. After knowing this, my parents did not agree. What's the use of saying that others are good, if you don't have money in the future, you can't live well in the future, and you can't help him pay off his debts as soon as you get married. I was very entangled in my heart. In the past few years, I have spent a lot of money on my own medical treatment, and I have no savings. Although he thinks that others are good, after all, life is a matter of fire, rice, oil, and salt. Thinking about it, he feels a lot of pressure, and he doesn't know how to choose. Now my family and girlfriends feel that I shouldn't be on my own and find someone with better conditions. However, Kai, do you say that material and spiritual can really be satisfied at the same time? I hope the sisters can give me some advice. Do you think I should listen to my parents and give up? I'm really confused. 02. Kai Zi replied to the girl hello, you asked me if material and spiritual can really be satisfied at the same time, you think if this is the case, then the rich people will not be happy, and the happy people are very poor . Seems like this logic doesn't quite work, right? So here we say that we first come to a conclusion, it is not that the material and spiritual cannot be satisfied at the same time in the relationship, but it depends on how we find people who meet this standard. Of course, there is a more important point. When we choose each other, the other party is also choosing us. You hope to find a partner who can satisfy both material and spiritual needs, and the other party also needs, so can you meet this need of the other party? Then let's take a look at the man's debt of more than 100,000 yuan. There are several aspects that need to be examined. 1. What is the total amount of debt. For example, this man owes millions, and after several years of hard work, only a hundred thousand is left, which means that he has a good ability to earn money. If you stay with him, you should not suffer for long in the future. But if hundreds of thousands have been repaid for many years, and there are still hundreds of thousands, then another consideration must be given. This shows that he really has no ability to make money, and the probability of turning over in the future may not be very large. 2. It depends on the reason for his debt. He told you that there was a change in the family, and you need to see what the change was. In some cases, a serious illness or accident occurs in the family, which requires a large amount of money. This is understandable, after all, it cannot be avoided. Other accidents are caused by participating in some illegal things, which means that the factors that will drag you down in this family may still be there. At this time, it is best to avoid it. 3. It depends on his ability to earn money. To put it bluntly, it is to see if the man has other opportunities for development. You have to judge how long his income can pay off his debts. The debt of hundreds of thousands is actually not much. If he can pay it off soon and his income is not bad, even if his life is difficult now, he will soon pay off. As for your family and girlfriends who hope you can find something better, you need to be a little more rational about this suggestion. You have to weigh and evaluate the following two aspects: First, whether you have the opportunity to know better. 2. Whether a man with better conditions will choose you. I have to say the harsh reality that you are infertile and have no savings, from the point of view that we speak of value exchange theory. You don't have the ability to provide reproductive value and economic value, so you have to ask yourself, what other value can you provide? Sometimes when we don't want to find better, we encounter better. Of course, I don't recommend choosing a partner who is too poor to live with, after all, life is very realistic. This man treats you well because he can't give you financial value, so he uses companionship value and emotional value in exchange. Whether you want to continue now or not, you have to make a careful assessment, whether companionship value and emotional value are more important, or economic value is more important. No one can help you choose, and no one can replace your own feelings. So, ask yourself how you feel. I don't know what everyone thinks, she needs everyone's advice, please tell your opinions in the comment area. If you are like her and don't know how to choose, you can privately message me, and I will help you analyze the problem and tell you what to do. 03. Kai Zi replied to the key words: My husband cheated on my brother Kai so many times, and I had nowhere to tell. I hope you can give me some advice. My husband cheated again and again, and gave all the money to the mistress, our own children, but he said that there was no milk powder and no money. I have two children now, one is over two years old and the other is over eight months old. He doesn't do anything all day and plays cards. Although his family conditions are relatively good, he has no professionalism, no sense of family responsibility, no filial piety to his parents, and is always ignorant. There was a girlfriend in front of him who gave birth to a son for him, and he left soon after he was born. Now the child is his parents who took me away from home after quarreling with him for more than a month. I really want to get a divorce, but he refuses to , but did not find me. I miss my two kids so much right now and I don't know what to do. 04. Kai Zi replied to the girl hello, there is a husband who cheated many times at home, and he has no sense of responsibility, which will really make people crazy and painful. I just noticed that your two children, the younger one is just over eight months old. Can I give you understanding, you decided to have a second child after knowing the true face of your husband. Also, you said that he had an ex-girlfriend who also gave birth to a son for him, which should have happened before you got married, that is to say, you should have known about your husband's problems when you got married. But the question is, why would you marry him on the premise of knowing that his character is not good? Even if you didn't really understand him when you gave birth to the first child, you should know enough about him when you gave birth to the second child. Why would you choose to give birth at this time? So, back to your question, what do you do? Have you ever wondered why you are now in a dilemma because you have not established a bottom line for yourself. You said that your husband's family is very good, so why did you marry him because of him, or because of his family's economy? I also found another contradiction. Since his family conditions are relatively good, he doesn't even have money to give his children milk powder. Who is raising the child now? Are they his parents? You said that he did nothing all day and gave all the money to the mistress. Where did the money mentioned here come from? He didn't do anything, where did the money come from for you, and where did the money come from for the mistress? I can understand your grievance and feel your pain. But you accept that he is such a person from the beginning, and you yourself are not capable of raising children, so is your current situation caused by him or by yourself? I want to tell every girl that sometimes there are really no good answers in this world. When life is bad, you don't have the best choice, you only have the relatively not the worst choice. I don't know what everyone will think. What do you think she should do? You are welcome to share your views and opinions in the comments section below. If you are in a dilemma like her in a bad marriage, you can privately message me, and I will help you analyze where the problem is and how to make the right choice.
Key words: Second marriage, the man owes debts 01. Reader letter to brother Kai, hello! I am 35 years old, I live in a small city and have a regular job. Divorce was because I had difficulty conceiving and had no children, so I left the year before last! After the divorce, I became very low self-esteem. I felt that no man could accept a woman who was divorced and infertile like me, and was single all the time. Since last year, my family members have advised me to find someone to live with, to have a home, and to rely on in the future. Just then, a friend explained to me a divorced man with a ten-year-old son. He is 8 years older than me, has a stable job in the institution, treats me well, and has a good character, but his economic conditions are not good. There was a change in his family a few years ago, and he owed hundreds of thousands of dollars outside. After knowing this, my parents did not agree. What's the use of saying that others are good, if you don't have money in the future, you can't live well in the future, and you can't help him pay off his debts as soon as you get married. I was very entangled in my heart. In the past few years, I have spent a lot of money on my own medical treatment, and I have no savings. Although he thinks that others are good, after all, life is a matter of fire, rice, oil, and salt. Thinking about it, he feels a lot of pressure, and he doesn't know how to choose. Now my family and girlfriends feel that I shouldn't be on my own and find someone with better conditions. However, Kai, do you say that material and spiritual can really be satisfied at the same time? I hope the sisters can give me some advice. Do you think I should listen to my parents and give up? I'm really confused. 02. Kai Zi replied to the girl hello, you asked me if material and spiritual can really be satisfied at the same time, you think if this is the case, then the rich people will not be happy, and the happy people are very poor . Seems like this logic doesn't quite work, right? So here we say that we first come to a conclusion, it is not that the material and spiritual cannot be satisfied at the same time in the relationship, but it depends on how we find people who meet this standard. Of course, there is a more important point. When we choose each other, the other party is also choosing us. You hope to find a partner who can satisfy both material and spiritual needs, and the other party also needs, so can you meet this need of the other party? Then let's take a look at the man's debt of more than 100,000 yuan. There are several aspects that need to be examined. 1. What is the total amount of debt. For example, this man owes millions, and after several years of hard work, only a hundred thousand is left, which means that he has a good ability to earn money. If you stay with him, you should not suffer for long in the future. But if hundreds of thousands have been repaid for many years, and there are still hundreds of thousands, then another consideration must be given. This shows that he really has no ability to make money, and the probability of turning over in the future may not be very large. 2. It depends on the reason for his debt. He told you that there was a change in the family, and you need to see what the change was. In some cases, a serious illness or accident occurs in the family, which requires a large amount of money. This is understandable, after all, it cannot be avoided. Other accidents are caused by participating in some illegal things, which means that the factors that will drag you down in this family may still be there. At this time, it is best to avoid it. 3. It depends on his ability to earn money. To put it bluntly, it is to see if the man has other opportunities for development. You have to judge how long his income can pay off his debts. The debt of hundreds of thousands is actually not much. If he can pay it off soon and his income is not bad, even if his life is difficult now, he will soon pay off. As for your family and girlfriends who hope you can find something better, you need to be a little more rational about this suggestion. You have to weigh and evaluate the following two aspects: First, whether you have the opportunity to know better. 2. Whether a man with better conditions will choose you. I have to say the harsh reality that you are infertile and have no savings, from the point of view that we speak of value exchange theory. You don't have the ability to provide reproductive value and economic value, so you have to ask yourself, what other value can you provide? Sometimes when we don't want to find better, we encounter better. Of course, I don't recommend choosing a partner who is too poor to live with, after all, life is very realistic. This man treats you well because he can't give you financial value, so he uses companionship value and emotional value in exchange. Whether you want to continue now or not, you have to make a careful assessment, whether companionship value and emotional value are more important, or economic value is more important. No one can help you choose, and no one can replace your own feelings. So, ask yourself how you feel. I don't know what everyone thinks, she needs everyone's advice, please tell your opinions in the comment area. If you are like her and don't know how to choose, you can privately message me, and I will help you analyze the problem and tell you what to do. 03. Kai Zi replied to the key words: My husband cheated on my brother Kai so many times, and I had nowhere to tell. I hope you can give me some advice. My husband cheated again and again, and gave all the money to the mistress, our own children, but he said that there was no milk powder and no money. I have two children now, one is over two years old and the other is over eight months old. He doesn't do anything all day and plays cards. Although his family conditions are relatively good, he has no professionalism, no sense of family responsibility, no filial piety to his parents, and is always ignorant. There was a girlfriend in front of him who gave birth to a son for him, and he left soon after he was born. Now the child is his parents who took me away from home after quarreling with him for more than a month. I really want to get a divorce, but he refuses to , but did not find me. I miss my two kids so much right now and I don't know what to do. 04. Kai Zi replied to the girl hello, there is a husband who cheated many times at home, and he has no sense of responsibility, which will really make people crazy and painful. I just noticed that your two children, the younger one is just over eight months old. Can I give you understanding, you decided to have a second child after knowing the true face of your husband. Also, you said that he had an ex-girlfriend who also gave birth to a son for him, which should have happened before you got married, that is to say, you should have known about your husband's problems when you got married. But the question is, why would you marry him on the premise of knowing that his character is not good? Even if you didn't really understand him when you gave birth to the first child, you should know enough about him when you gave birth to the second child. Why would you choose to give birth at this time? So, back to your question, what do you do? Have you ever wondered why you are now in a dilemma because you have not established a bottom line for yourself. You said that your husband's family is very good, so why did you marry him because of him, or because of his family's economy? I also found another contradiction. Since his family conditions are relatively good, he doesn't even have money to give his children milk powder. Who is raising the child now? Are they his parents? You said that he did nothing all day and gave all the money to the mistress. Where did the money mentioned here come from? He didn't do anything, where did the money come from for you, and where did the money come from for the mistress? I can understand your grievance and feel your pain. But you accept that he is such a person from the beginning, and you yourself are not capable of raising children, so is your current situation caused by him or by yourself? I want to tell every girl that sometimes there are really no good answers in this world. When life is bad, you don't have the best choice, you only have the relatively not the worst choice. I don't know what everyone will think. What do you think she should do? You are welcome to share your views and opinions in the comments section below. If you are in a dilemma like her in a bad marriage, you can privately message me, and I will help you analyze where the problem is and how to make the right choice.
(Responsible editor：A solitary woman)
Last：After two years of marriage, I feel that my wife is ugly and can't take it. Is there a psychological problem?
Next：After a divorce, who wants to remarry more, a man or a woman? The answer is realistic
Next：After a divorce, who wants to remarry more, a man or a woman? The answer is realistic
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