The three manifestations of the end of the couple's fate, how many have you won?

time:2023-01-30 05:05:23 source:chloeaktas.com author:Graduate girl
The three manifestations of the end of the couple's fate, how many have you won?

Hello friend! Our meeting was a reunion after a long absence. Click "Follow" above, we will be friends for life! Text: Shili Illustration: From the Internet "Three years of marriage, we have a small quarrel for three days, and a big fight for five days. Every time I come home from get off work and just play games, she will take the initiative to ask for trouble, and I have no time to rest. She really doesn't understand me at all, and she doesn't need a job, she just does housework and takes care of children, she doesn't know contentment at all, and now the relationship between husband and wife is very antagonistic, are we the end of the marriage?" Two days ago, one day A reader friend sent this private letter. When I saw this private letter, I felt a lot. For this friend, everything that happened to him, in other words, was caused by himself. It's not that the couple's fate has come to an end, but they don't know how to empathize and understand their partner. Just like this friend, he has never been considerate of his wife's hardships or meet her emotional needs, so his wife will trouble him everywhere. In his heart, he may only think that taking care of the family and taking care of children are women's obligations, so he will not take it seriously. The same is true, women will be aggrieved and look for trouble. Because family has never been a matter of one person, it is the responsibility of both husband and wife, and any family that is maintained by unilateral efforts is unstable. A really good husband and wife relationship must be understanding and tolerant. I know it is not easy for you, so we will face difficulties together. The fate of husband and wife has really come to an end. With these three manifestations, how many have you won? 1. There is no fight, only cold violence. Some people often say: "A quarrel is the most terrible thing between husband and wife, but in fact, the most terrible thing between husband and wife is not quarrel, but the cold violence that does not quarrel." Quarrel is just a tool, and the tool does not matter. If the tools are used well, the relationship between husband and wife will improve, and if the tools are not improved, the relationship between husband and wife will get worse and worse. Quarrel shows that both sides still care, and they still have the motivation to communicate with each other and solve problems, while cold violence only shows that both sides don't care at all. The Cold War likes to care that love is dwindling and subsided, and the quarrel likes to care that love is still there, but there are problems and conflicts. When this conflict is resolved, the relationship between husband and wife will only be better. Some people quarrel, and their relationship will only get better and better, because they quarrel is to solve the problem, it does not hurt the relationship, so it will get better and better. As long as both parties still care about this relationship, they will learn more about each other's needs in the next conflict, and then meet each other's needs. In reality, the reason why most couples quarrel and make their relationship worse is because they don't have the right quarrel at all. Many of their quarrels are only for the purpose of simply venting their emotions, not solving problems, so they will only intensify the contradictions and make the two sides go to extreme opposites. It's like in a relationship, in the face of a woman's questioning, if a man always responds perfunctorily. This seems to be inclusive, but it is actually a estrangement. When it was his turn to bow his head, he chose to turn a blind eye; when it was his turn to be soft, he chose to be heartless. A man doesn't care what a woman thinks at all, he just wants to live through the moment. Men are too lazy to explain, too lazy to justify, always perfunctory and cold violence, which will only make this relationship drift away. Because the other party in the relationship will only feel suffocation and pain. So they will take the initiative to choose to escape. 2. There are only gains and losses in the eyes, but not the other party's efforts. Some people say: "Marriage is just an exchange of interests, because you are useful to me, so I will be with you." Although this seems true, it is very narrow. A truly good marriage must not only be an exchange of interests, but also love and giving. If a husband and wife get along just to protect their own interests and not about their relationship, then such a relationship is often unstable and cannot stand any test at all. Because when the greater good comes, maybe that's when the marriage ends. Husbands and wives who are united because of interests will sooner or later die because of interests. In a relationship, both parties are maximizing their own interests, calculating each other's feelings, and ignoring each other's feelings at all, which will only make both parties stand on more extreme opposites. In fact, those who are always afraid of getting divorced and prepare for their own divorce are often more likely to get divorced. When he prepared for the divorce, the marriage turned sour, and it was no longer as pure as before. Because when he has a way back, then he will not trust and persist in this marriage. At the end of this relationship, there are only realistic battles and property divisions left, starting to care about gains and losses, starting to find a way back for oneself, preparing for divorce, and planning for the future, which will naturally end sooner or later. 3. Get along with only torture, but no happiness. Some people say: "A good marriage is when the case is raised with the eyebrows raised, each other is respected as a guest, and the two sides are happy with each other." This is true. A truly good marriage relationship will definitely bring happiness and happiness to each other. And a relationship that will only bring torture and pain to the other side often means that each other has reached the end of their fate. When the passion fades, the patience is exhausted, there is no distress and tenderness, only indifference and unfeeling. When there is no love between the two parties, the atmosphere when they are together will become more and more depressing. In addition to endless complaints and disgust, the two sides have no other value emotions. In fact, there is only torture left in the marriage, it is better to let each other go. Good couple, never get tired of watching. A bad couple has only disgust in their eyes. When you see each other, you can think of bad things and think of each other as useless. If anything happens, it will only think of the other party in the worst direction, and there is no other room for it. As the philosopher said: "At first I thought that the most unfortunate thing in the world is to die alone, but then I found out that the most unfortunate thing in the world is to accompany a person to die alone." Torture, it is better to get together and disperse earlier. Many people think that divorce will harm children, so they can only insist on pain. But as everyone knows, divorce itself will not cause more harm to children, only unfortunate family environment and parental relationship will continue to cause more harm to children. Since they can't make it through, give each other a way out. This is the most responsible way for yourself and your marriage. No matter how estranged we were in the end, the kindness to you in the past is true. Even if there is a parting, don't disappoint the encounter. I hope you don't regret knowing me. ——END Topic of the day: "Do you think it's right?"

(Responsible editor:A solitary woman)

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