Don't fall into the trap of cheaters! Marriage counselors teach you two tricks to make their "dream" shattered

time:2023-01-30 06:50:16 source:chloeaktas.com author:Housewife
Don't fall into the trap of cheaters! Marriage counselors teach you two tricks to make their "dream" shattered

A good marriage / It is two people who practice writing together / Seven or seven many women who have been cheated on and forced to leave, always feel very painful. Acknowledging his fault, he also gave all of his attention to the mistress. In his eyes, he could never see anything else except the mistress. No matter what you say or do, his response is either to be silent, or to keep throwing the blame, telling you that it's "you suck", "it's all your fault", "you forced it", like a relationship It is all your responsibility to become what it is now, and both he and the third party are innocent. At this time, you may instinctively think, "Why? It was you who cheated, and the one who was hurt was me. In the end, it was my fault. I forced you to cheat? What's your face? So, in order to let each other remember that the victim in the relationship is you, we unconsciously use various behaviors to emphasize each other's faults and their own injuries, and many people will keep grabbing Man, forcing him to cut off the relationship, monitoring all his behavior, also learned to use the "hitting" method to keep attacking. I always feel that only when he is strong enough, he is likely to see the damage to you and make up for you. But in fact, the more we insist on emphasizing that we are hurt, the more we fall into the trap they weave for you. Why do you say that? Today's article will help you identify clearly the pitfalls in the derailment process and your losses. If you have encountered a similar problem and don't know what to do, you can privately message me and let me help you analyze and solve it. 01 The hidden crisis in the relationship - Victim thinking We all know that cheating itself is a wrong behavior. The cheating party lacks a sense of responsibility, a sense of boundaries, and will not deal with their own desires and needs. You, the victim, are the ones who need to come back and apologize to you, admit their mistakes, and make up for their hurt. However, when you are trapped by this idea, you have already fallen into the trap. It is precisely the role of this "victim" that has become the biggest crisis hidden in the relationship. There are three main points in the crisis: 1. When you are only the "victim", the control of the relationship is no longer in your hands. Victim literally means I'm hurt and I need you to take care of me, soothe me, make up for me. Its overall feeling will be like, you are the weaker party, just like a child, you need to depend on yourself, and you need others to be fully responsible for you. And should you be responsible? When are you in charge? How to be responsible? It's the adults who have the final say, you can't guide, and you can't decide for him. If you make trouble, lose your temper, or threaten, others can't give you the response you want, and you don't turn around and take your responsibility. 2. When you are just a "victim", you are already being influenced by the other party and become a helper for the breakdown of the relationship. There is already a "crack" in the relationship between the two of you. It's nothing more than a big or a small crack. You will find that it seems that in the process of his derailment, it is you who explodes, and it is you who question, attack, and persecute. It's you who destroys the relationship. Originally, he was mainly responsible for the rift. With such a disturbance, you unconsciously stood in the position of "injuring" and became the main destroyer of the relationship. When you vented your emotions and pushed him away, the "victim" was like a It's just a hidden name, and he seems to "sit back and enjoy the benefits of a fisherman". Not only does he not take any more responsibility, but there are people outside to comfort him. 3. When you are just a "victim", you ruin your chances of a relationship and your own expectations. In this relationship, I constantly experienced and felt that the people closest to me were thrusting swords after another. The feeling of anger, powerlessness, and unwillingness came to my face, which made me experience great pain and injury. It even makes you have a lot of denial and doubts about yourself: "Am I really not good enough?" "Is it my fault from beginning to end?" "Why am I the one who was hurt?" Coerced by the feeling of help, he fell into the whirlpool of emotions, trying to use all his methods to obtain temporary stability, but it was too late to consider whether the result would bring closer the relationship or step on a new minefield. And the opportunities that can be solved in the relationship, the problems that can be reviewed, and the space that can be improved, are also lost through trial and error, and in the end, the opportunity for happiness is ruined by myself. Even in the next relationship, it is easy to become cautious and nervous, vigilant to avoid the next outburst, to prevent yourself from experiencing that emotion again, and to trap yourself in the cage of the past and close it up , completely heartbroken. In short, when you take the initiative to put yourself in the "victim" pit, you are already in a disadvantaged position to make the enemy happy. 02 See the injury, but don't fall into "victim thinking" Of course, I'm not asking you to ignore your own injuries, not be a "victim", and not let the other party take responsibility. However, how to use injury as a tool, borrowing his hand and cutting off their relationship is the most wise. How to do it? 1. Spend at least 50% of your energy on dealing with marital problems. Infidelity itself involves two relationships, intramarital and extramarital. When you can only stare at extramarital relationships, problems in marriage will be like a time bomb that explodes at any time. It's like the enemy army is attacking, you need to make overall planning to fight, and there is an infighting within the army. Regardless of this infighting, they are not unified with each other. You may not need to fight the enemy army, and you will be defeated. If you only focus on the marriage If you don't care about extramarital relationships, you will easily give this man "the idea that you are willing to have a threesome", which will make him feel like a duck to water. Therefore, if you devote 50% of your energy to repairing the problems in your relationship and unifying the military, you will have a better foundation to be consistent with the outside world. 2. Learn to stir up the muddy water and not directly attack how many people suffer because they are accustomed to "hands-on", and it is not only time-consuming and thankless to cut off their relationship, but also may deepen their feelings. But if you learn the green tea thing, things go very differently. The most typical example is Ling Ling's rhetoric in "The First Half of My Life": "Blame myself, I have to like you, I don't blame you, liking you is my business, it has nothing to do with you, I am with you. You didn't mean to force you to talk about this matter, but it's up to you to decide, anyway, it won't affect my love for you." "I want to give you back to Luo Zijun, and other people's eyes, I've had enough, I think It seems that such a day cannot happen in this life, Junsheng, live a good life and live a good life.” Although things are not authentic, but the words are indeed beautiful, playing hard to escape, taking retreat as advance, not only expressing his own thoughts clearly. It is clear that he does not bear his emotions alone, and also puts the follow-up selection pressure on men. Hanging men's hearts with their own grievances, and putting themselves in the most sensible and caring position, quietly revealing their "not pressing" and "considering for you", so that men can put themselves and the righteous master in their hearts After making a comparison, the most labor-saving way to do the most effective and beneficial things. Although she also took out her own injuries and grievances, she stood at a higher level than men and was guiding men to favor her. Therefore, in your relationship, "injury" is a beneficial resource for you. But only if you are injured and have no ability, no matter how good the resource is, it will become a weapon to hurt yourself. When you are kidnapped by a certain role, you are destined to only be an actor and be manipulated by others, but when you can jump out of the trap, not be swayed by emotions, become a director, and become a person who can see the overall situation, how should the other party be responsible? How to make up for it is up to you. If you have fallen into the other party's trap now, you can privately message me about your situation, and let me help you analyze the situation of the "enemy" and take the initiative to attack. end to stay! Give it a thumbs up!

(Responsible editor:Graduate girl)